Late hours in the night

Have you ever read a book or watched a movie that seemed to give you all the answers? Well I was reading the book, Tangled, and it all came to me. Then I started questioning everything. Why couldn't he have just danced with me at Winterfest; I mean he liked dancing with me at my sweet 16 party; and still everytime I hear when you look me in the eyes I think about his hands on the small of my back and the way he smelt, like a fresh shower. Everything about that moment is imprinted into my mind. So of course when I saw him with her I felt like vomitting, it was like he was the one who could give me the butterflies and when I saw him with her, they died, shriveled up in the pit of my abdoman. I always question if he really loved me like I loved him. We were only sixteen but like they say age is but a number. I do believe I truly loved him though. Maybe it was when he came to our first date with a swollen hand because he hit it in baseball and didn't want to be late so he didn't put ice on it. Maybe that was the day, or the night he leaned in to kiss me on my front step when my step-dad walked outside the door. Hopefully someday that part of this memory will be repressed. So my big question is if he really loved me, why does he act like we were never an us at some point. I don't get it. I catch him stealing glances at me from across the room, then when we talk it's like all of our history was erased, like our love was sprawled over a white board and the existence of her erased it away. I wasn't that upset when I heard she liked him, until he asked her to prom. Our prom. The prom he was supposed to court me to. I remember that day vividly. I was gazing at him, his muscles rippling out of his tight, bright blur Abercrombie tee. If you came close you might have seen me drooling. Except I have touched those muscles. I did think about that night when we were hugging eachother and I felt his abs under my sweating palms. That might have been the night I fell asleep on a cloud. Anyways, drool, and blah, blah, blah. So I was staring at him so intently I almost didn't hear it. "So how'd you ask her?"..."over a text." I excused myself from algebra 2 to go and cry in the girls bathroom. I hated everything about him but mostly I wanted to kick her ass. All of my emotions were jumbled up like they are now and I still don't know what to do for these not so ready to part feelings for him. Maybe another restless night will help me solve it.