All is fair in love and war...bull

Crabby. Annoyed. Pissed. Fuck. I hate feeling like this. Alone and empty. It's friday night and I'm home, alone, here where it's miserable. I feel like they have all moved on and left me. My friends, my family, my own mother. She's walking around her with a boyfriend who adores her. How pathetic is that? I'm seventeen years old and my mom can find a boyfriend before I can. It sickens me. Yes, of course I'm happy for her but she has been married before, she has been loved before, kissed before. I've had nothing. I want something. Some spark, some romance, just something. I act like it's nothing. Like I'm just so happy and content with being single but on the inside it's killing me. It's like a big bubble that is taking up all of the space in my body and I can't pop it. I hate it. You don't know how many times I've stared in the mirror and just cried, just wanting to be something that they will like. Something that I will like something that will compare to my mother. When my mom was my age she weighed about 103 lbs. She was gorgeous and all the boys wanted her. I'm 17 years old I weigh well a lot more then that and I haven't dated in two years. I'm lonely. All of my friends are dating. Hell, one's even engaged. I just want something close like that. I want my mom to feel proud of me. I want my mom to know I'm not some mutant that there are guys who want me. But who am I kidding? She will probably die of old age before she can see that. I try not to cry when I think about it. How much it hurts. How much pain I go through when she flirts with men. I want to be her. I want to be my mother. When my dad died it was like I didn't have a man around to tell me how beautiful I was/am. No one else in my family knows I feel this way so it's not like they can help me and if they did no they would just try to convince me that I was beautiful but make obvious comments when skinny girls showed up as to how beautiful they are. It hurts a lot. Waiting and waiting for that one man to tell me I'm beautiful. It could be anyone. Any color. Any age. I don't care. I just want that one man to tell me that once and awhile. I know I sound cliche like every girl feels this way. But they are all bullshit. I'm sick of size 2 girls complaining about love handles and about how they can't get a man except they are probably sexting them the same time they say this. If someone ever got a sext from me...I think they would burn their phone. Or their eyes. Whichever is least painful for them. Sometimes I think.."he looked at me. He smiled at me." but it means nothing they soon join their girlfriends and I am still stuck here. God what a way to spend a Friday night huh? Weeping about my pitty problems. Maybe I'll go get a life...maybe.